My daughters asked me for Christmas this upcoming year if I would take them to a Billie Eilish Concert. So of course when her new album dropped, they wanted to listen to it in preparation for the concert that is still 6 months away. In one of her new songs, Not My Responsibility, she talks about how others judge based on assumptions, There was one section of lyrics that I found particularly important: "We make assumptions about people based on their size. We decide who they are, we decide what they're worth." I'm willing to bet that everyone at one point in their life, mainly because of years of unknowing conditioning, has assumed someone without ever even having a conversation with that person.
There's a difference between a first impression, which occurs when we allow an individual to leave an impression, and a preconceived value of worth based on simply a glance. Sometimes it's programming for safety. If you see the outline of a large man walking toward you in a dark ally carrying a tire iron, your mind tells you this man should be avoided, when he could simply be a man who was changing a tire. Other times thanks to the media (social media in particular), we've been programmed to think that based on certain physical traits, the person's abilities should be x/y/z. It seems that fewer and fewer people in this day and age are even given a chance to prove themselves because they are immediately written off.
How often have you done this, not just in regards to others, but to yourself? You walk past the mirror, and we all have days we don't like what we see, and the rest of your day is ruined. You want to try a new endeavor, but you sabotage yourself before you even give it a go. I can't do this, I won't like this, I won't be good at this. I've found myself many times throughout my life doing this. What makes it even worse, is I've done it on the same days I've told my kids things like "you don't know until you try", "you can do anything", "you decide your worth". As a parent, we give the advice to our kids that we should be also giving to ourselves.
I've written a handful of times in the past about the importance of failure. That failure is oftentimes more important than success because failure teaches lessons, success, while rewarding, can often be just pure dumb luck. The thought of failure is only the first part of why we may not try a new endeavor. Once we get over the fear of failure, or more importantly accept that failure is a possibility and change our mindset that failure is an important part of life, we next need to work on stopping the self-sabotage. Confidence, and hence self-worth, occurs over time based on actions and results. Starting new things, and just as crucial, finishing those new things, tells us what we are capable of, defining who we are. When you begin to doubt yourself, think of one of the most famous lines a parent uses with their kids when it comes to trying new food: "You won't know if you like it unless you try it." In the end, you determine your self-worth, no one else.
