Oftentimes in life things that we would prefer don't take place, happen that were not due to our own actions, words, decisions, etc. When this happens, it is usually easy for us to recognize not only that there was a fault but who was /is responsible for the said fault. Because of this, especially when we aren't the ones responsible, we often tie fault and responsibility together. After all, one of the definitions of fault is "responsibility for failure or a wrongful act". So it's only logical to assume that if we aren't responsible for the fault, we aren't responsible for the correction. While in certain cases it can be argued whether this is true or not, in the end, the responsibility of correcting (if possible), accepting, or simply moving past the fault is on you, not the individual who created the fault.
Let's take an example that many would consider is cut and dry. A car manufacturer released a line of vehicles with a defective circuit that causes airbags to not always properly deploy. This is clearly the fault of the car manufacturer (technically you could trickle all the way down to one engineer, but the owner of the fault isn't truly all that important). They should fix the problem. In an attempt to do so, they recall the vehicles. However, it is on you to call a local dealership, schedule the service, and take the vehicle in to be serviced. They may be offering a way to "fix" the issue, but the responsibility of it actually getting fixed relies completely on you.
The problem with owning the responsibility of fixing a fault that we didn't cause/create is that it isn't fair. Why do we have to be responsible for fixing something when we weren't responsible for the fault? Because only you are responsible for yourself. How you act, how you feel, how you think. When we allow others the power over these things, we lose touch with ourselves. Even worse when we expect others to "fix" us, we fall into the victim trap. In the example above you never decided to get your auto fixed (after all they should've come to your house and fixed it). You then get in a car accident, you're now in the hospital, and then rehab, and maybe have a permanent scar or limp. You're a victim for life now because of an action you chose not to take responsibility for.
This fault-responsibility-victim trap is even more likely when it comes to a direct personal against us. For instance, a parent left you when you were a child. It's easy to think the only person who can fix this is that parent that left, or worse yet the other who didn't. However, even if that parent returns later on in life, if you never work on yourself and take responsibility for coming to peace with it, that abandonment issue which you justifiable would have, will always be in your subconscious and will trickle down throughout your life. When you then start to use that event as an explanation, "it's because my parent abandoned me", then you are stuck in the victim trap. Again it isn't fair and it sucks, but it is life. You have no control over others, nor do you want that extra responsibility. While the faults done to us throughout our life can and will shape/mold us, it is our own responsibility to decide if they will define us. When you don't take the responsibility to "fix" you from it, you allow it to define you, and you fall into the victim trap.How much of your heart/mind is filled with "negative" emotions/thoughts? I have the word negative in quotes because there are times in life where we need these certain emotions/thoughts. For instance, if you were in a car accident or mugged, you should feel feat. If you suffered a devastating loss to a loved one, you should go through the various stages of grief. It is in our DNA to feel/think certain ways as a way to survive. What I want to know, what you should be asking yourself and figure out, is on a typical day, what percentage of "negative" emotions/thoughts are filling up my heart/mind. Emotions such as guilt, remorse, jealousy, sadness, anger, hatred, fear, loneliness, worthlessness, and anything else that adds to stress or anxiety? While being able to break each emotion/thought down is more beneficial, lumping them is also effective in finding out where your emotional/mental well-being currently is. What do I mean by that? If these "negative" emotions are taking up more than 50%, then you aren't going to be in a good place (it's simple math). The higher the %, the more likely you are to gravitate to that direction (human nature). So if you're more "negative" than "positive", you subconsciously start to notice the negative occurrences in life and ignore the positive ones, thus increasing the amount of "negativity" in your life, pushing the % away from where you desire. Taking the time to do some searching and exploration to see what is filling your heart/mind allows you to know what you can start working on and changing. Some things are going to be harder than others, and that's ok. Start with the smaller things first, get momentum in your favor and start ticking away at that total %. Why the small things first? They're the easiest and quickest to adjust/change. For instance, if the #1 anxiety in your life is work, quitting your job probably isn't an option. Even finding a new job may not fix the issue (often when we take a new job, it's a similar position at a new place or a new position with more responsibility). If the smallest anxiety in your life is that when you look through social media it makes you question your life choices, then simply stop going on social media. Start small and start checking items off. Like any to-do list, it feels awesome to check items off.
